I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
