what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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