just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize