wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
