if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
