I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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