do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize