Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
