it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
