Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
