I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
