I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize