Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm always down for nudity.
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