Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
