Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
