tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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