Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize