Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
