there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
