Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
