Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
