I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
whose parrot is this?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
