this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
