I wish I could teleport
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
