My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Someone shit on the floor
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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