I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
