So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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