There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
