How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
