i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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