she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
