see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
