I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
