But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
