I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
