carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
