I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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