im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i barfeds in our rink
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
