i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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