You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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