____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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