Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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