nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
