I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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