I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize