I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
True strength comes from lack of pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize