He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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