Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
