Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
