KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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