Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
