You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize