She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dignity is for republicans.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Randomize