community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
