1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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