it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
