Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
