you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
