I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize