nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
