You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize