Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
