I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
