Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
