sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
