i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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