I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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