I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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