DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
