Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize