i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
