we have officially lost it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize