Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
