i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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