there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
